This is my open missive to “The System” and to the world. “The System” includes any of those who planned, participated in, and have benefited from using me and /or abusing me for their illicit gain; whose thinking is, as far as I am concerned, “sociopathic” or “psychopathic” in that it allows them to justify actions that resulted in my pain, grief, and losses throughout my life, while apparently ignoring situations I was victimized by, past as well as current. My struggles to overcome what perpetrations and abuses were heaped upon me affected my children as well.
I knew others who had been ritually abused from birth; brought into this world for a purpose not of their own choosing. They struggled too, and many of them have not been able to mentally and emotionally overcome their past. Some of those that I knew were permanently physically affected. A few took their own life because they could not see forward to their healing. Many were simply labeled as “mentally ill”. Again, “The System” is there to receive them and swallow them up, and make them “comfortably numb” and convince them that they did not see, hear, or experience what they in fact, did. Further, they have perpetuated the false idea that one can overcome the situation they are in simply by turning to the very system responsible for the abuse, and as long as the victim assumes the responsibility for their situation, be accepted back into the fold and rebury the perpetrations and abuse.
This past year has been a pivotal point in my life as I began to reassess everything that I had thus far accepted as truth about my life, even though it did not completely make sense to me up to that time. Since my abrupt departure from southern California began and I discovered information that caused me to question the validity of what I had previously accepted for lack of a better explanation due to missing pieces, the truth began to fall into place, and the lies that I had not questioned before began to wobble and fall, one upon the other like dominos, as the truth about my life was exposed. It seemed that one lie about my life was dependent upon believing another, and so on. It was only upon examining and analyzing all the known data (leaving room for future data to be uncovered) that the truth about my life began to unfold.
Therefore, I will now list what is known at this point by me, as well as the beliefs of investigators who have been investigating my situation on behalf of the Canadian Institute for Political Integrity, so we are all on the same page:
I was genetically planned and brought into this life and assigned to the Nagel family by Wilder Penfield, the much “applauded” and “respected” neurosurgeon based in Montreal at McGill University, who was known, along with his associate, Ewen Cameron to be involved in research on the brain for the purposes of mind control (known in the U.S. as MK Ultra) and using persons, including children as subjects without their knowledge or consent.
My life was a study and experiment in Wilder Penfield’s memory research on the brain. The condition of multiple personalities was purposely induced in me through repeated ritualistic trauma that included sexual abuse perpetrated upon me by my father and carried out through the ensuing years into my adulthood by others, who were of a military background, as well as being overseen by the Benedictine Monks (Viator) of Mt. Angel, Oregon. The purpose was to cover up the “symptoms” this research induced in me with the repeated programming techniques employed against my person. I was never asked if I wanted to be a part of this. I consider what has been done to me to be criminal acts.
From the time I was married, my mother was constantly telling me that I had had a “difficult and stressful” childhood. I was told that I awoke screaming in terror in the night many times as a child. I remember a recurring nightmare that awakened me on a constant basis, which many years later turned out to be about my father’s molestations of me. I remember being taken to the Dr., a pediatrician who wore a bow-tie and a gray lab coat while I was young. My mother and the Dr. would conference together in the next room, shutting the door and talking in low voices on numerous occasions throughout my childhood and teen years. She took me to see another specialist when I was nine years old, who did an EEG and put me on medication, which my mother stated did not have the desired effect on me, so she discontinued the visits to this Doctor. When I was in fourth grade my parents bought a piano, and started me on piano lessons. My mother began to tell me, after the birth of my son years later, that she believed I had been molested by a “babysitter’s boyfriend” when I was pre-kindergarten age. I never asked her about it, and wondered why she continued to bring it up to me. She also constantly told me what a “stressful childhood” I’d had, and that I had a “very poor self image”; hence the piano lessons. She transferred me from one fourth-grade class to another, and did the same to me when I was in sixth grade. I had to endure the ostracism of my peers for this. My mother told me when I was in fifth grade that she was considering holding me back a year. I remember bursting out crying and exclaiming, “But what have I done wrong?” My father, also a grade school teacher, would come home from a day of teaching and tower over me and scream at me because I could not do the math homework that I was given weekly. At these times I remember my hearing fading out, and then my vision would go dark at that point. Later I realized this was another part of me coming to the surface to deal with these situations with my father.
In 1989 when I first made a decision to seek answers to questions about my past, I told my parents of my decision over the phone. They made a special trip to see me and told me it would be a huge mistake to dig up the past; I was married now and had two beautiful children, they told me, and to let the past go. I told them that I could not, because for me it was not past. It was something I carried around daily, in the form of recurring episodes of depression. I wondered what it might be like not to be easily depressed. Further, I could not figure out why I should be depressed because I could not think of anything up until that time that would trigger the depression. What began to worry me was what my mother had been saying to me, and then thinking, “But it’s so much more than what she is saying…” I worried constantly for my children’s safety. I did not want to leave them with anyone. I had “flashes” of disturbing visual images that I could not make sense of at that time about my father and myself, and I was afraid to say anything to anyone because the very thought that something had happened between my father and myself was so abhorrent to me. I went on to get help from a psychiatrist who had a program that dealt with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The psychiatrist had spoken on a radio program that I had heard about the use of Sodium Amytal to assist the subject to talk about repressed memories and all sessions were video and audio taped. Recently, I have discovered that Sodium Amytal had been a well researched subject at the Montreal Neurological Institute at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec since the 1940’s when it was first used by Dr. Jun Wada to presurgically evaluate where the language center and memory centers in each brain hemisphere were prior to surgery for cases of epilepsy when surgery to remove a section of the brain tissue was the last option to stop seizure activity. I now believe it was no accident or chance that I had Sodium Amytal Interviews, along with a BEAM study; the results of which mysteriously disappeared from the Dr.’s office. Not an accident either that a SPECT study was done at that time; often used in conjunction with Sodium Amytal induction as well for the purposes of mapping the areas of the brain, e.g. the hippocampus, that is involved with memory storage and retrieval of spatial and visual memory. I suggest that the surface appeal of the Amytal Interviews for me was not the purpose of my controllers who I now also believe sent me to this Dr. The purpose that was intended was for an evaluation of cues known only to them through intravenous induction of drugs (Sodium Amytal and Brevital) which they knew could be used to put some areas of the brain to sleep so that designated areas could then be evaluated by the visual and auditory responses engendered by questioning, along with a record of physiological responses recorded by the anesthesiologist/ anesthetist present to monitor the vital signs during the interview.
To those at this point who have heard that these interviews are not accurate, I spoke about many things in these interviews, not the least of which was a childhood incident that involved a girl and her sister about my age at the time, who were driven by their uncle to my home, where I would be picked up. We were all being taken to “rituals”. I was able to state the name of this girl, her sister, and two male cousins who sometimes seemed to be brought along, as well as her uncle. Five years after this interview, I actually met this girl, whom I did not recognize as an adult, at a support group for survivors of Ritual Abuse. We found that we had grown up within a very short distance from each other, and she had attended school in the same school district as me, as well as attending school where my mother taught classes in the same time period as the events described. She verified the details of what was recorded, including having those memories as well. She later listened to this portion of the tape and was amazed that all these details were recorded. During these interviews, I was not led or coached. There were many details that were given, however not any answers as to how all this started and more importantly, why. I state this because my own mother, in the past year told me the False Memory Syndrome Foundation has stated these interviews had been done to instill “false memories”. She and my father had joined FMSF many years ago after they hurriedly moved out of the state I lived in when my then husband repeated to my parents details of what he had heard in the taped interview. At this time I believe the FMSF was formed, among other reasons, to negate the theory of Wilder Penfield as well as others researching the evidence that ALL memory is recorded in the brain. I believe the real purpose of the work of FMSF is to provide a support structure of denial to perpetrators since they are all on the same team and then secondarily to negate this modality as being accurate to access repressed memories.
During that time and for the next fifteen years, my parents and my husband’s family stopped speaking to me. My family assisted my husband to obtain full physical and legal custody of my children. My mother even wrote a letter to the family court judge labeling me a “trouble-maker” and praising my by now ex-husband as the responsible, caring, and loving parent, and then both of my parents signed the letter. My husband had embarked upon a systematic program of mental, emotional and finally physical abuse of me; even battering me by grabbing my hair and banging my head into the wall repeatedly, while he held our daughter in his arms. He was made to look the qualified parent in the family court system, while I was made to appear mentally deranged and out of control. I had sought help for myself and for my children, who were showing signs and symptoms of having been involved in ritualistic abuse, later confirmed, per the observations of psychiatrists and therapists, who were also not allowed to testify in family court on their behalf. For attempting to assist my children, physical and legal custody were taken away from me and I was made to leave my home so that my then husband had the freedom to move his girlfriend in to act as their “mother”. I was placed on federal disability at my request in 1991, because the consequences of harassment induced included severe post traumatic stress disorder and depression. I used the ensuing years to recover memories and deal with resulting and constant harassment.
The “harassment” I am speaking about included being kidnapped on many occasions, drugged, the use of electroconvulsive shock while in restraints with resulting after-effects of confusion, temporary memory loss and recorded seizure activity, impregnated on three occasions by unknown and nonsexual, nonconsensual means, harassing phone calls at all hours, mysterious and frightening messages left for me on answering machines, knocking on the front door of places I was living at all hours of the night, most especially at 3 AM, DDT sprayed inside the apartment on the kitchen table and in the roommate’s room in one situation, being followed at various times and when least expected by plainly marked “G 41” military vans everywhere I went- sometimes with a man dressed in a Navy uniform stepping out and standing next to the vehicle and watching me as I ran errands, only to get back in his government van with government plates and continue this same exercise for the whole day, my car being rear-ended and totaled, being physically assaulted at work on a psychiatric unit by “ female patient”, who kicked me in the stomach so hard that it sent me into the wall and then screaming out at me in front of all the staff present, “ I will kill you when I get out of here; and if I don’t, Robert Caldwell will…he’s going to get you…”(This man was Naval Intelligence, per his business card). At another psychiatric unit in which I was working so that I could pay attorney fees for an upcoming custody dispute, I was called into the nurse manager’s office and it was stated to me that two patients had complained that I was going into their room at night during bed checks, and shining a flashlight in their eyes and stating to them that,“Satan is going to kill you unless you go back to the cult…” I was told that “administration” required that I be interviewed by one of their staff psychiatrists. I asserted my innocence and walked out. There were many incidents similar to the above stated occurrences.
I decided in 1999 that I wanted and needed to go back to work, because I had done as much work as could be done to recover memories and to come to terms with what had been done to me. Unfortunately, in 1998 the last time I was kidnapped and worked over i.e. given huge amounts of electric shock by unknown perpetrators, (which resulted in a hospitalization) I did not realize that I was being “prepared” i.e. programmed, for an interview with David Icke, a former sportscaster turned conspiracy publicist in order to perpetrate The System’s media lie and program. That interview took place within 5 months of the last episode, and individuals “magically” appeared in my life to connect me with David Icke. During this “interview” I was instructed not to motion or gesture with my hands by David Icke. As well, the decision was made that I could not wear my glasses; so I was unable to see as well.
I was being prepared for this role by as early as 1996, and was programmed to change my name legally to “Arizona Wilder”; “Wilder” being Penfield’s first name and Arizona having to do with the follow-up and continued research of Wilder Penfield’s work on me by Arizona State University in Tucson.
In spite of the many abuses and crimes perpetrated against me, I continued to attempt to have a life of my own, never realizing the full extent of my involvement and victimization until recently.
I was hired at Clearview Convalescent Center as the director of nursing in 2007 after working there for the prior year as a house supervisor. In 2006, I had changed my name legally back to “Jennifer Nagel”. I had ceased having anything to do with speaking in “conspiracy “circles because I had begun to question my own actions of making a name change and doing the interview with David Icke. I had never wanted to be part of anything that could mislead others and I could also see that I still did not understand why I had made the name change to “Arizona Wilder”, or why I had done this interview, so I never laid any of this to rest, but continued to research.
I have recently become aware that my prior naïve conclusions, that secret “groups”/organizations within the system, operating “subversively and covertly” who are responsible for these abuses/ criminal acts that no one else knows about is somewhat misleading. The truth is that the system knows and shares all the information about its existence and ongoing activity, and is kept informed of persons that have been the subject of the attention from these “groups”. In fact, there is no secret within the system’s membership about these groups; they are known entities operating and funded within the system. In short- Everybody knows about the “BIG BOYS” behind the scenes.
My parents/ family have apparently benefited from my involvement in this research, as I have recently been informed that my parents had established a trust fund for payment of what had been done to me throughout my childhood. Currently, I am told by investigators that there are “millions of dollars” in that fund. I found this out at the same time as I found out that one of my sisters, Theresa, appointed trustee of this fund by my parents, was planning, along with some other family members (sister(s)) to prevent me from ever leaving California to join my husband Glen Kealey, and instead have me placed on a conservatorship, in order to increase their benefits from this fund. I was advised to leave California earlier than I had originally planned to because of this, which I did.
The fact that I was denied entrance to Canada and given a one year exclusion order built upon lies of CBSA flunkies and then had to travel by car across the country to a small town in the U.S. directly across the border from the area of my Canadian husband’s hobby farm where, since obtaining my New York state nurse’s license last September 9, 2010 I have been unable to secure any work as a nurse in spite of years of experience and a glowing recommendation from my last employer by facilities here who continue to advertise openings for RNs on a monthly basis, lends credence to the probability of conspiracy by an organized group (“human resources”) with an agenda designed to prevent my employment, thus making me financially insolvent, as well as alone and separated from my husband. I was given information at the time of one of my interviews that I later found out from personnel to be untrue, i.e. RN positions available at time of interview even though the administrator told me in the presence of two nurse managers that they were interviewing for these positions. That CEO, who had been a director of nursing in another nursing home in Ogdensburg prior to her current position as CEO, and the new director of nursing (who took over at the facility that she left) both separately told me they would be in contact with me though I never heard from either of them again. I, too, as a director of nursing used to interview people for positions, so I know the process.
In my years of working as a nurse and operating under my prior naive belief that my employers knew only the facts about me pertinent to my employment , I did not feel my personal life was any employer’s business, because it had nothing to do with my work as a nurse, or the quality of my work. I have never brought this background up at any job, because it was not essential to my work. I have never discussed my personal life with any individual at work. It has, however been brought up to me, in certain instances, by persons in the workplace in a superior position to me, (i.e. administration and nursing management) in order to send a clear message to me that everything about me is “known”, and as stated above, it has been and would be used against me.
By my record I have already proven that, in spite of all the traumas and abuses perpetrated against me throughout my life, that I am an asset to any company, and that there is no excuse that can be found not to hire me. I have greater empathy and understanding about suffering and trauma than most people ever will. I have proven that I can work well with others and make sound decisions based on the realities of circumstances.
I suggest that any company or corporation that would not hire me due to “assumptions” and stories found on the internet by clerks (in an attempt to have deniability), while never once asking me about my life, losses, what I have learned, and how I can help others, is participating in at the very least, immoral, unethical, and illegal activity.
Today my message to the “System” is this: You created the problems on this planet and in this universe and in the end will take responsibility for that. You have destroyed the lives of people throughout the centuries for your goals. Your plan for me was in effect before I was even born. I never had a choice about what happened. You have genetically and socially engineered countless millions of people throughout history. The details and program for others was perhaps not the same as mine, but the intent was the same. The biggest lie of all that your self-serving system preaches is that people who are simply trying to survive day to day in the system you created and perpetuate, have freedom. Freedom to what? Freedom to you (The System) means… “No charge”. In reality, people don’t have the freedom to think for themselves. This is how you have justified the genetic engineering you’ve done and the decision made long ago to shelve the current model (of Worker Bees) for an 11.0 model of slaves.
I do not believe that what you have done and continue to do to me, as well as others for the sake of your centuries old business plan is justifiable. I do not believe that what you are about to do and blame on “acts of God” and that will result in the deaths of millions in the northern hemisphere is justifiable, so know this: You “ creator God”, have a Boss called “CREATION” that you will one day very soon answer to for what you have been doing. Your BOOK OF LIFE will be read aloud.
My greatest sadness is knowing that what CREATION intended for this universe was hijacked, stolen, and perverted for use of a so-called select group who consider themselves so superior to everyone else that they can justify the absolute lie of “God”.
I cannot change any of you. I, though, made a choice that none of you can do anything about; that I now serve CREATION. I am giving notice to all of you that CREATION is very much involved in what has transpired in the last year in all of this.
How will you answer when one day you stand before CREATION and are asked these questions: 1) What did you know? 2) When did you know it? 3) What did you do about it?
